Resolutions

The new year is literally just a few hours away. I never really make resolutions, I think they suck. However.... This year, I'm looking back and relaxing, I can and should change several things. So, for the fist time in years I have resolutions: 1) be committed to my devotional time with God. Put God first again! 2) be committed to intentionally loving my husband. Do things on purpose to show that I love him. 3) be more open to relationships. Make time for people and listen. Be part of their world 4) be committed to myself. My body needs to work out and to run. Just do it! My mind needs to learn, read and explore. 5) laugh more, I know I consciously stop myself from laughing sometimes because I don't like my smile or because I don't wanna seem dumb .... But this year I'm gonna laugh when I find something funny! It's a terrible thing to hide a laugh, a real, big belly laugh! 6) I want to plan and travel. I want to go places, near and far, meet people, learn about different places, take pictures and enjoy the world. So far.... That is all I got. But it's a long enough list! Fresh start in just a few hrs!

Changes

I've always thought of myself as healthy. Though I have had my struggles with weight in recent years, and though I did have that vertigo episode, I have been over all pretty healthy (in my opinion).

I started going to this workout thing a friend invited me to, kinda like bootcamp. They measure you, weigh you and give you numbers like your visceral fat, your "age" (the age your body is, or thinks it is), your body fat %, etc. Yeah, I'm really not that healthy.
According to this machine/test thing, my body thinks I'm in my 40s!!! I'm only 27! This is not ok.
But at the same time, part of me kind of didn't care to make a change. "big deal! I'm not that bad!"

In the past months, starting in August 2013 my body started to tell me I'm doing something wrong.
In august, for some reason, food was not staying down. I was throwing up everything, I had cramps through my abs. I decided to only have liquids and nothing else. It helped, but still was not feeling well. I decided to go to the doctor but they seemed more concerned about other things about my body, rather than what was going on and what my complaint was. As the pain did not go away all together I sough Urgent care, but according to urgent care I needed the Emergency Room! Now I was kinda freaked out! But because I don't have insurance and because I have so many other bills to pay, etc, I decided I would NOT go to the ER and just let the pain go away on it's own. And it did.

A few months later, late November, the pain suddenly started again, only to be relieved by vomiting. I threw up a lot, was in tons of abdominal pain and just couldn't keep food down. I recovered... or at least thought I recovered quickly, but a few days later it happened again.
I dealt with the pain once again, threw up and narrowed it down to gluten (or at least that's what I thought).

A few weeks later, it happened again. So much pain only to be relieved by throwing up. This time it lasted for hours and I though, it's the 3rd time in 3 weeks.... I need help!

(Sometimes I'm too stubborn and proud to admit I need help. )

So I had my husband take me to the Emergency Room, regardless of the cost, I was in pain and unsure of what was wrong with me yet again.

Like always, the ER took a few hours and after tests and ultrasounds and more tests and drugs to ease the pain, they let me go. Apparently I may have gallstones, but definitely have issues with my gallbladder. The ER recommended I get medicine to dissolve the stones or even schedule to remove my gallbladder.

I have never ever had surgery! That sort of scares me.
I guess I'm not as brave as I thought. There's something about not being aware or in control that scares me.

The thing about the ER this time was that my husband was next to me for the most part. I felt safe, I was not scared, was ok to not be in control, was ok not knowing. I felt at peace.
I knew I was going to be fine, though I was in pain, though I was vulnerable.

After all these experiences, I have realized, I need to make changes.
I need to change the way I think about working out, the types of workouts I do, the kind of food I eat, the way I cook, the way I think about doctors, the way I think about insurance, the way I budget, what I budget for. I need to be more open, vulnerable, fearless, willing, caring, soft.

If I were to believe or do New years resolutions, I think that would be it. To change in those ways to better myself.
I am glad I am who I am, but I know I can't stay this way forever, I need to grow and change.

Lady

So, the last time I blogged was many months ago! Update on the weight: I lost what I needed to lose, and am keeping it off. I have put off joining the navy until after I get my BA! That way I can join as an officer. Anyway, that's the quick update on my life. Now for my. Thoughts: When did modesty go out of style? When did it jump out the window? Remember when ladies used to be ladies? Why is it old school to be a lady? As per dictionary.com a lady is a woman who is refined, Polite and well- spoken. Refined: free from coarseness, vulgarity,Impurities. When did this become uncool or not the norm? I've tried to strive for that, to become a lady in a society, culture that does not seem to breed them. Have you ever seen a woman who is well dressed, modest, well spoken, no foul word comes out of her mouth, gentle and kind? There is not doubt in your mind she's a lady! And you may say, "only royalty acts like that now a day" I say: YOU ARE ROYALTY! Daughter of the King of everything! We represent HIM! When did we allow ourselves to be robbed of our identity? We are to walk, talk, act, be like princesses in a culture/ society that does not have them. We are to be different, to stand out! Not for bad reasons, but for good ones! Because we dare to change our language! Because we dare to be modest when others are not! Because we dare to use kind words! Because we dare to be humble and obedient! Everything we do should reflect who HE is!

Quick Update!

This is a quick update on the weight loss blog a few months ago! I lost the 10 lbs with help from friends and family. Got myself in check and I realized the best time for me to work out is in the morning before I do anything else. Sometimes it is REALLY REALLY hard to get up and run or work out, but I have realized it's the only "me" time I get sometimes. I have learned to enjoy every second of it, even when hills are involved -_- ... I hate hills... but I still do them. I have also learned that certain foods that I LOVE are not the best for me, so I've stuck with a limited diet of foods. My kitchen does not have bread or tortillas (unlike most Mexican kitchens i'm sure) because I LOVE them! I have tried to have a ton of fresh fruits and veggies and refrain from eating out. However, like any lifestyle change, this has not been easy and I have failed in a few places. Like eating out and waking up to work out. But, you get back up and try again. =) It's getting easier as I do it more often. The goal is now to lose another 10 just for me, not for any particular reason, but for my health and desire to feel even better. I had hoped to lose the 10 lbs by JUNE, but that has been kinda tough! =/ I guess I'll keep trying! lol. Here's the after pic.

The 99

Wow! It's been a while since my last post. I just have not had time to sit and write, which is sad... Cause I love to write! So, in the last month or so I have been battling a lot of feelings. You know, just how people make you feel. I think though sometimes one intends to show someone you love them, they don't necessarily receive the love the way you are showing it. That is why it's good to learn other people's love languages. But at times, we are just human, and make mistakes. I'm saying all this to say, that I have been feeling worn, tired, unappreciated and honestly, just exhausted. In my exhaustion, I was napping before work and after a work out just recently, when I got a text message. And half asleep I read it, and I saw Mark 16 & Luke 15. I thought it was weird, but as I was pretty tired I went back to bed and re-read the message again and it DID not say that at all! Well, I made sure to read the scriptures when I woke up. Mark 16, it speaks of Mary, Mary Magdalene and Salome going to anoint Jesus body at the tomb. They are greeted by an angel who pretty much tells them that Jesus is not there, he is risen and doing as He said he would. Now Luke 15 speaks of Jesus speaking to sinners and hanging out with them. Now the Pharisees and scribes, well, they grumbled, complained and were saying "This man receives sinners and eats with them" Now Jesus, well, he goes into why but he does so through a parable of the sheep. Having a hundred sheep would you not leave the 99 to rescue the one that was lost? And further down he speaks of a woman who loses a silver coin and turns her house upside down to find it. And finally we see the parable of the prodigal son. Now we normally see that this tells us to go after the lost. And it did remind me of that. I don't do what I do by losing sleep, staying up late, sacrificing family events, spending money on ppl, I don't do it for anything but for the hope of seeing ONE person come to know God. If that happens, I rejoice! But what I had never truly looked at before is the 99 sheep the shepherd leaves behind. Why did he leave them, why did he not take them with him? Or in the story of the prodigal son, why is the father not throwing a party for the son who has been faithful and has remained by his side? It was then that I realized, the 99 are taken care of. Jesus has them. Tough the shepherd left to find the one, there was a sense of security he must have had to be able to leave them behind. Or the prodigal son's brother. I'm sure the father had always been proud of the son who stayed by his side. But he always had access to not just his own riches but also those of his father and his father's house. The prodigal son, had left and had nothing but the immediate things. And though he made mistakes and all, what greater joy for anyone to have someone back who they thought was gone! All this to say, I have my focus back, I am rested and ready to get back to loving people all day every day, sacrificially and to no end, but not to forget the 1st scripture. We dont do this for our own benefit, we know we will go unthanked and unnoticed and unappreciated,but we do it because He is Risen, He is faithful and He will get us through it all. Thank you to all my faithful readers and the new ones. :) Good night

So busy!

I have found myself so busy with LIFE that I just can't seem to get myself on a set schedule for JUST ME.
I really think the key to success in regards to living a healthy, wholesome life is to make time for yourself.
I have started to wake up early and run, lift weights, eat better.
It seems like it worked for the first few weeks, and then just recently, I have lost focus, gotten busy with life, stressed, and just over all haven't stuck to it.

I need to regain focus, remember why I'm doing this, recruit help and just flippin' do it! =)

Inspired to Lose it!!!

If you guys know me, you know I lose A LOT of things, my keys, my phone, my wallet, etc etc etc.... the only thing I can't seem to lose are these last ten stubborn pounds!!!

Well... more like 12 because the holidays leave their mark!!!

Anyway, A blog I follow has inspired me!
I will do this once and for all... I will LOSE IT!

So I will be blogging of my progress and hopefully this will keep me motivated, now that I have you, my readers keeping me accountable (please!).

I lost 15 lbs last year with a little help from my friends (Beatles refrence!).
So, I really wanna lose these ten soon!
So here's the plan, I will put up a before pic and blog every other week and post a pic of the progress.

And please get on my case if i have not posted plz!

It's tough to stay motivated! So help please! =)


Here it goes: Week 1